i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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