You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
