two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
