So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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