Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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