I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
