I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
