she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
