Four minutes until I can fart!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
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I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
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I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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