btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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