i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
