I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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