You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
