Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
