pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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