just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
