How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
