if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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