Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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