i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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