SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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