someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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