The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
