the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
