I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
