I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
