I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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