Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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