Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
