I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
