apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
