I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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