do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Congratulations! We have a period
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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