I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
