He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
