just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize