so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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