Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just want to make out with him forever
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
