weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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