He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
