Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She bit a glass in half.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You need Xanax blowdarts
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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