She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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