I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
