the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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