he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
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She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
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Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.