I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
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Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
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She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation