Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
