the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
