I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Come on in and take your pants off
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