Just mADE A PArabola og urine
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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