She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
