i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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