first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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