I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
