i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
