My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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