I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
