the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm passing your future prison.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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