I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
