You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
