i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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