he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
