You made me cry and you don't even care
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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