uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize